And you think the hard part is over...

Perspective is an interesting thing. Without it, you don't know anything is wrong and could go through life without knowing its potential powerful impact on your life. However, once you have it, you put a somewhat of a death grip on it. Never wanting to let it go.

The other interesting this is where it can come from. Perspective is a train-wreck. You never see it coming and it knocks you down and can be somewhat disorientating for a long time.

Today, I was an adult leader at a student leadership academy. It's designed to provide leadership training for people between the ages of 14-20. I am clearly not in any of those ages. However, perspective as come and hit me...and now I feel kinda like a train-wreck.

I supervised a decision making class this morning. The speaker went through a very detailed account on how to make proper decisions through a technique called decision mapping. Using a very logical reasoning and extended thought process the speaker went through a situation he used decision mapping and how he came to what appeared to be the most logical conclusion.

This kinda rocked my world.

Don't get me wrong I wouldn't call myself irresponsible or someone who has been known to make rash decisions. But I am someone who has always "gone with their gut." I have also prided myself in making decisions using intuition and feeling. I also would like to think that I have made good progress through life so far. No monumental failures or lapses in sound judgement. Minor ones here and there, but no life altering mistakes.

However, it got me thinking. Has there been potential for better decisions. Have some of my decisions in life been made in haste? Especially when bible passages were thrown at me about how messed up my mind and heart were.

Then again, you could make a claim that everybody is created differently and I have been hard wired to trust my gut and emotions the "NF" in my Myers-Briggs. I will continue to ponder this for a little bit. However, as I think about this I have to wonder if I could continue making major decisions. As I keep sorting this out in my head I am a little off, but I will keep going none the less.

Well, Grantwriting Homework? Okay, I guess I have to change the name of my blog from Confessions of a College Graduate to Confessions of a Graduate Level Student. This decision is still being decided.

More later.

A People Watcher's Dream

This isn't come as a huge shock to anyone, but my nosiness is not confined to listening, it has spread to observation and general snooping.

Yes, I am an intense people watcher.

There is nothing that fascinates me more than how people interact with each other. What they wear, how they carry themselves, how they interact with their friends, how they carry themselves in pobulic, how self aware they are, everything just fascinates me.

There are very few places in the world that are better to people watch then Downtown Chicago. Add in an abnormally warm day for the first weekend of November and you have the people coming out in droves, and there is no better tourist attraction then millenium park.

Millenium Park is full of tourists, chicago faithfull, and surbanites that are looking to get away from their normal day to day life. Between the bean, the bridge, the park grill, the face structures, and the brand new skydeck connecting to the modern wing of the Art Insititute, there is every type of person you can imagine.

There was the man that was painting the bean and the skyline around him, there was the couple that was taking tons of pictures cementing their tourist status, the couple doing their engagement pictures, and there was the people that I made akward eye conatct with, because they were people watching just as much as I was.

However, today was different. There was kind of a different vibe as I walked around the city.

One thing that I have always prayer for is a passion for the lost. I am not talking about people that don't know where there going, I am talking about the theological definition of lost. Every single person that lives in a day-to-day existence without knowing Jesus.

Self confession- I have never looked at people as lost. It's has something that has always bothered me. I don't really relate to mass evangelism or even street evangelism but I've always wanted to feel the conviction that evangelists feel day to day.

Today, I think I might have felt that for the first time. As we were walking outside of The Art Institute I was looking at each person as someone that needed ot hear about Jesus. Not assuming they didn't already know but more in the sense that I was doing them a disservice by not telling them.

Even beyond that, I was felt an overwhelming sense of burden for the city of Chicago. When I was sitting in Millenium Park I just felt this sense of peace in being in Chicago, because it is a town full of people that need Jesus.

Working at a missions organization I get asked all the time if I have the desire to go overseas. I politely explain my past international experience has confirmed my place here in Chicago. Today, I feel confident in the concept of Cook County being my mission field.

As a potential huge opportunity is presented to me, I am just reaffirmed that this opportunity would further my ministry here in Chicago. What is potentially the coolest thing is I will get the priveledge of serving Christ in one of the greatest cities in the world.

Labels

They're every type A person's dream. A simple slip of laminated paper to organized your most precious possessions. However, to most people they are an overwhelming burden to live up to. A word, a phrase, a title that is supposed to categorize just how a person is.

Most people my age (23) hate the idea of a label. We want to be our own person as we try to figure out who exactly that person is. However, in the past couple of months I have been confronted by a label for my generation (Millenial) and what I would consider a specific sub set of Christian Millenials (the hipsters). Let's tackle Millenials first.

Millenials are defined as anyone who was born between 1982 and 2002, while this seems like a huge huge age gap there a certainly reasons for it. This is the age group that is culturally defined by 9/11, columbine, the oklahoma city bombing and a variety of other things. We lived in a time where our childhood country was under attack. 

We also grew up in a public school system that was obssesed with stroking our little egos. Out with red pens and dodgeball to affect our childhood, bring on purple grading pens, encouraging words, and non contact sports game in gym. 

We lived in a generation of building the child up, and we have created our own little monsters. Children with attachment issues to their parents, who have an unrealistic view of themselves both good and bad, and kids that are afraid to walk away by themselves (Think the iconic image of bambi learning how to walk for the first time).

We grew up in the Pop laden music scene of the late 90's and have become obssessed with image. Think about it...a woman who I heard spoke use this analogy (I can't take credit for it, even though I really want to). A group of her girl friends were hanging out together on a friday night and feeling sorry for themselves and their single lives. So what to do they do?

They get a camera out and start taking pictures. No sad faces anymore, silly happy faces showing how much they "love life." Us millenials know what happens next.

The next morning they wake up to an e-mail saying they your friend has tagged you in 16 new pictures on facebook. Not only our we posing among our best friends we are attempting to show the world and that subsection of our friend list (the friends your just friends with to stalk and to have just to be polite) that we are okay.

Hey guess what, were not.

The age range of 22-27 is especially in a weird stage of life. We are after graduation and confronted with the world we have grown up with. The difference between us and our generational predcessors (Generation X) we honestly we believe we can make a difference in our world. Look at the response to such global catastrophes such as Hurricane Katrina. They'll also point to a higher involvment in philanthropic causes as well as seeking employment at Non Profit Organizations (guilty on all three causes).

Then there is the new label I was introduced to this week, the Christian Hipster.

An author for Christianity Today was reviewing Donald Miller's new book when he mentioned that his writing fits in with the ever growing Christian Hipster movement. Now, being a huge Donald Miller fan I did a little research and found this guys blog. He goes in to discuss many dislikes and likes of Christian Hipster, here a couple I resonated with.

Christian Hipsters dislike mega churches and alter calls. They don't like overly political evangelical leaders. They dont like the book Wild at Heart (finally someone that agrees with me) and tend to like the works of C.S. Lewis, GK Chesterton, and Henri Nouwen.

Okay, so those things nailed me. Unfortunately, there are some things that I didn't relate too,

They love pushing the boundaries of typical christianity through tattoos, fashion, love of the way catholics do things (smybolism, liturgy, etc.). 

Okay, so there are some things I agree with and some things I don't relate too at all (tattoos? really?) but there is some deep seeded irony to both of these things.

I am willing to go out on a limb and say that neither of these groups appreciate being labeled. All of their core beliefs would branch out into the feelings of individuality and I am who I am, and for Christians it would be I am who God created me to be, unique, special, intentionally designed.

However, in an effort to buck the trend I am going to do something I usually don't do. I am going to throw all the labels out there I can think of...here goes nothing.

I am an evangelical millenial (since most millenials don't believe in absolute truth). Myers Briggs would call me an ENFJ, and a spiritual gifts analysis would point to Leadership, Exhortation, and Showing Mercy. I am half hipster, half geek, with a dash of social butterfly thrown in.  That my friends is the label God has created for me...so in the words of my dear sister...when you got it...you got it.

Life of an Non Profit Employee

Wheaton, IL is a place I swore I would never end up. I interned there while in college and was surrounded my people in college who grew up there and hoped to end up there. I was not one of those people.

I always had hopes for a "better or cooler" work location. A big city, or working for a company with big name recognition. Alas, God had other plans.

I currently sit at the reception desk of a Non Profit in Wheaton. I love the non profit world, it is decidely different then your typical corporation but yet balances with traditional ideas. For example I currently have a buttoned up shirt with khakis on, however I am not required to tuck it in and I have paired them with a great pair of teva sandles.

The reception desk has been a second home to me as of late. I fill in when the receptionist is out and enjoy meeting people at the desk. However, I find it odd that twice now someone has commented on the fact that a male is working at a receptionist desk. I know some NPO's are traditional but I'm not gonna lie I got kinda offended.

The other thing about working at a faith based NPO in Wheaton, IL is the emphasis on relationships, no I am not talking about the meaningful relationships one could enjoy platonically. I am referring to the fact that I am the only male in an office about 60 people under the age of 30 and single.

Yes, I am token.

Now, don't get me wrong I am not suggesting that this indictive to all NPO's but the fact of the matter is I can only respond to the culture I am placed in. Several times the question "when are you gonna get married?" has come up and many times I threw up in my mouth.

Again, dont get me wrong I am not against marriage, I actually look forward to it greatly, I am however against the idea of trying to get me paired off for the sake of getting me paired off.

I will go out on a limb and say it takes a special person to work at an NPO. Your salary is dependent on the generosity of others and a group of 8-10 strangers you don't know. You work for a cause and not for the "all mighty" dollar. The list could go on and on.

So what. Why I have I spent the past 9 paragraphs rambling about? Good question. I don't really know. I just felt the need to ramble and had some time to kill.

That is all.

Whoa is me.

Well, its time for a dose of hypocritical humble pie. 

You see, whenever my high school students complain about anything that I deem as unnecessary I will respond with a sarcasm laced "Whoa is me." Well, its time for me to blog, and all I have on my mine is a healthy dose of whining. Now, let me clarify, I find any complaining on technology based social websites (blogs, facebook, twitter, myspace, etc.) a desperate cry for attention and in general unnecessary.

Again, hypocritical humble pie.

I have had an awesome three day weekend highlighted by a personal day to reconnect with my love of hanging out at church during a typical work day (which I assure you is more entertaining than ANY show on television) and a 28ish hour trip to Sawyer, MI with some awesome guys. This is the weekend many people in America are longing for, a chance to reconnect with friends, take a day off work, and in general do what they want.

Well, yeah it was all of that.

But, (sidenote:that word is just dreadful) my weekend was all of those things and more, the and more is what's hard for me. In general, life has turned me into it's own personal stretch Armstrong doll. On top of it's typically endless string of obligations and appointments, which granted I all had the power to say no to, life has decided to attack me at what I once felt was my biggest strengths, relationships.

With several different corners pulling I am in my typical position of firmly in the center, however for the first time...ever...I don't feel like I am helping. I don't feel like I have any control, and I feel for the first time it is taking more of a toll on me personally.

Now logic (and most of all 4 people reading this blog at any given time), would say, take a step back and let it go. 

You see that is where relationships are messy. I currently act as the only real bridge between several fractured and splintered relationships, and I don't see myself being able to get out of it without losing friends. 

Gosh, I don't even know if this makes sense anymore. The fact of the matter is the calmest place for me is my work and the world calm can be considered extremely relative in that sentence. It's hard to feel as though no matter where you go you can't exhale. You can't let your guard down and just be you. It's hard enough to be completely figure out what God has created us to be, but when your surroundings leave it almost impossible to be who you think God wants you to be it just makes your head spin.

So, I apologize for any confusing thoughts in this post. I promise I am going to in the next two weeks write something deep, thought provoking, and in general what I usually like to type.

P.S. if anyone feels compelled to comment, please avoid saying that you're gonna pray unless your actually going to pray with the Power God has called us to. And if anyone even thinks about using overplayed Christian Jargon (i.e. "let go, and let God") I will probably vomit and then have to reconsider our friendship.

Whoa Life

March 8th?

I haven't posted since March 8th? Wow, life does go by fast. This is where I would stick in my favorite Ferris Bueller Quote but the loyal readers already know it, and if you don't shame on you and go rent the movie now.

Since my last post I have become a "functioning member of society," I have a 40 hour a week job in a cubicle with a missions organization. It has truly been a blessing to me serve the Lord by providing means for his people to minister around the world. I am thankful everyday for my job. 

However, it is a job, and working for a Christian Organization is not exempt from life. We are all fallen people, even those who have devoted themselves to cross-cultural ministry or helping those entering the ministry. 

I started on April 15th, my 3 month anniversary will be Wednesday which is very important. It means that I am official and they like me doing my job after my review, which has already happened and let me assure something, they like me, they really like me.

The only downside to my job is the start date. Smack dab in the middle of spring and the brink of summer, when the world wakes up from its heinous hibernation and enjoys new smells and warm temperatures. However, I have been confined to a cubicle. 

I have been told it's a good thing. I have a job that loves me, and a job that I do love. However, as most of you are expecting there is a but. It's the unavoidable 'but' that a non-tied-down-20-something-year-old faces. With no reason to stay in one spot...the question becomes..

Why am I here?

What is keeping me here, amidst my life a hectic schedule that has changed from a once light and lovely come as I go and do what I want life (hate that I just used that phrase), to one where my summer schedule was booked half way through May. Life has become a checklist and it is frustrating. 

Instead of the anticipation of a weekend event (Downey's Wedding) or a trip next week (July 20th-24th leading high schoolers on an outdoor adventure leadership development trip...yes that's baller) I have to take things day by day, plan my life out into a checklist. Not exciting events, but appearances and appointments.

When asked if this is what life is...I get the response I was dreading. 

"Welcome to the Real World, it is what it is."

Boo.Hiss. 

I don't take kindly to being told that my life is going to be a checklist.

Instead, I wanna look at life as Donald Miller views it. Not necessarily every theological point he agrees with, but this idea of life as a living, breathing story. Something that has already been written, but a story that needs more than a half willing participant to make it happen. It needs someone to run through the story enjoying every minute of it with a smile, a laugh, ora thought. 

In his book Through Painted Deserts, he writes in his Author Note this gem of a quote, I really couldn't sum up life better than he could (maybe if I could, I would be an author living life one cup of coffee and one chapter of a book at a time), but instead I leave you with his impression of life.

"No, life cannot be understood on a flat page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath:  

I'll tell you how the sun rose

A ribbon at a time..."

Bliss in Ignorance?

Quick Post, it is 1:44 A.M. post daylight savings time switch and I am tired after a typical very very full sunday full of hanging out with people and a lot of good food...but needless to say I am tired.

Tonight was the third time my church's "post-high school/20 something group" has met. Before the groans begin let me establish one thing. There are about 12 of us. We've all known each other for ever and have no interest in turning it into a single's mingles meat market. We actually just like hanging out with each other and learning about Jesus... weird concept in single 20 something Christian culture, I know.

We discussed Spiritual Gifts tonight and this is a topic I found out that I am more familiar with this topic then my peers. I tribute that to Dr. Dale Keller at Taylor University, he exposed me to the idea of spiritual gifts in multiple classes. It pays to have a professor with a Masters in Communication and an MDiv, it was actually pretty sweet.

Tonight spiritual gifts were framed a little bit differently for me. We focused solely on the gifts listed in Romans 12:6-8. These gifts were presented as Motivational Gifts. Essentially, these are the spiritual gifts we posses that kinda get our motors running. When we exude this quality we find joy and our energized through this specific act.

Before I go any further there is one thing I wanna say. This is a topic that Christians are still trying to figure out. We haven't figured these things out yet and needless to say this is a personal belief. Another quick thought is that just because we may not find joy in a specific gift, it does not mean we are not called to show this gift. Just because I do not enjoy giving financially doesn't mean I do not have to do it.

Get it? Good.

For those of you playing along at home Romans 12:6-8 says:

"We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously, if it is leadership, let him govern diligently;if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."

So, this verse lists seven specific gifts (7 is also the number of completion and highly regarded in Scripture...coincidence?) Those gifts being prophecy, serving, teaching, exhortation, giving, leadership, and the ability to show mercy. Now, I know my gifts. I know the three that all have scored higher than all. You wanna know what they are? Ask me, that's for a different post.

However, what I want to write about is the great responsibility we have to discover and use these gifts. For me, sometime I wonder if it would have been easier to be ignorant about my gifts. Live in a quiet bliss and enjoy helping out where I can.

Ha, parable of the talents...that's all I really need to say.

Then it of course brings up the question if we don't use em' do we lose em'...again different blog different time.

For me, the beautiful thing about being a creation of Christ is discovering all the intricacies He has placed within my personality, discovering a desire to serve Him, and most importantly discovering the abilities to serve Him with all my heart. 

The thing I am trying to discover now is how these abilities compliment one another and where the best place is to serve, and how I can make the most of what God has given to me. 

So good-bye ignorance. Will I miss you? No, ignorance is for fools...and if you wanna be ignorant...look up what the Bible says about fools...it may change your mind.