Couple quick facts...
One, I am completely weirded out by the fact that it is 2009. I don't know how I feel about the idea of being able to remember my life throughout an entire decade (1990 is just a 4 year old blur)
Two, I am also weirded out that I have been out of high school for five years.
Three, spell check is telling me that weirded is not a word.
Four, well there really is no four.
Anyways, on to what I wanna talk about. The book of Joel.
Yes, it is real. It is in the Old Testament smack dab in the middle between often discussed books Hosea and Amos (please not the blatant sarcasm).
Today my pastor spoke Joel 2:12-17. Joel is a book warning Judah what was about to come. You see, they were being infested by locusts. These locusts had slowly infiltrated every single part of their lives. There were no where to run from the locusts. In Joel 1:6, these locusts were described as having "teeth of a lion, the fangs of a lioness."
Gew. Not something I am looking to mess around with.
So, upon setting the passage up a little bit let me give you the best reader's digest version I can give you without the copious notes I took this morning (sore subject).
Essentially this is a call to a genuine repentance of sin. With a couple key differences.
First off, in v. 13 it asks us to "rend your heart and not your garment. Return to the Lord your God for he is gracious and compassionate.' Rending of the clothes was a popular occurrence of the day. People would visible rip off their clothes in a public setting as a symbol deep remorse and repentance. I don't know if God was sick of people making sins or just felt the gesture had just turned into a gesture. But he wanted everyone to know he wasn't looking for a gesture he wanted people's hearts to be changed, and that was what Judah needed to do.
Second, he goes on and lists every single different type of people of the day, including imploring a bride and groom to stop their honeymoon. What made this passage jump out at me was a little fact I read in Rob Bell's Sex God. In Jewish tradition way back in the day a couple would have sex before they got to the reception. Essentially, their wedding wasn't official in God's Eye's until they had sex.
That is how sacred sex and marriage are too God. And in the midst of a sacred act they are implored to stop what they are doing and repent.
whoa.
So, if that wasn't enough to impact a person. (Especially when your brain automatically treats the locusts of a metaphor for sin in your life and the whole infiltrate everything and systematically destroy the life Christ wants for you sort of thing if you do not repent)
Our pastor throws out this idea (I wish for the life of me that I had the exact quote cause it's baller). How often do people crave intimacy but don't want to work for it? Now, think about it with our relationship with Christ. We want intimacy in our relationship with Christ but how often do we don't do the work He DESERVES. It isn't a matter of if, how much, or when, but Christ deserves are all in our relationship with Him. And are all is the idea of striving to be pure and blameless because He has given us that opportunity without us deserving it or have to earn it.
::exhale::
Okay, then my friend's words started echoing through my ear "You don't usually like to talk about the why nate." So, for some reason I immediately started thinking about why I don't put the work in or why I don't repent when I know there is something screwing up my life. I think I have come up with an answer, and it may not be what those who are close to me may think.
Fear. No, it is not a fear of my sins being out on the table, and it is certainly not a fear of what others will think about me. No, it is a fear of true intimacy.
It is a fear of changing, even if it is for good.
While I am not 100% happy all the time, I have a great life. So, I think I fear what my life would look like changed. I fear having true intimacy with God cause I don't know what it would look like. In a weird twisted way I like knowing what my sin is, its the ol' case of knowledge is power...but completely wrong.
But in the spirit of Joel, the rest of this entry is entering my journal. If I keep writing it I will think that writing about it on the internet is repenting...ha....yeah you read that right.
But, I have decided to treat 2009 as the year of restoration, mentally, physically, spiritually, relationally. For four years, I might have thought about everyone else but me (to a very very very bad fault), but now, it's time to focus on me and what I need to do to kick some locusts out my head.
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