Whoa is me.

Well, its time for a dose of hypocritical humble pie. 

You see, whenever my high school students complain about anything that I deem as unnecessary I will respond with a sarcasm laced "Whoa is me." Well, its time for me to blog, and all I have on my mine is a healthy dose of whining. Now, let me clarify, I find any complaining on technology based social websites (blogs, facebook, twitter, myspace, etc.) a desperate cry for attention and in general unnecessary.

Again, hypocritical humble pie.

I have had an awesome three day weekend highlighted by a personal day to reconnect with my love of hanging out at church during a typical work day (which I assure you is more entertaining than ANY show on television) and a 28ish hour trip to Sawyer, MI with some awesome guys. This is the weekend many people in America are longing for, a chance to reconnect with friends, take a day off work, and in general do what they want.

Well, yeah it was all of that.

But, (sidenote:that word is just dreadful) my weekend was all of those things and more, the and more is what's hard for me. In general, life has turned me into it's own personal stretch Armstrong doll. On top of it's typically endless string of obligations and appointments, which granted I all had the power to say no to, life has decided to attack me at what I once felt was my biggest strengths, relationships.

With several different corners pulling I am in my typical position of firmly in the center, however for the first time...ever...I don't feel like I am helping. I don't feel like I have any control, and I feel for the first time it is taking more of a toll on me personally.

Now logic (and most of all 4 people reading this blog at any given time), would say, take a step back and let it go. 

You see that is where relationships are messy. I currently act as the only real bridge between several fractured and splintered relationships, and I don't see myself being able to get out of it without losing friends. 

Gosh, I don't even know if this makes sense anymore. The fact of the matter is the calmest place for me is my work and the world calm can be considered extremely relative in that sentence. It's hard to feel as though no matter where you go you can't exhale. You can't let your guard down and just be you. It's hard enough to be completely figure out what God has created us to be, but when your surroundings leave it almost impossible to be who you think God wants you to be it just makes your head spin.

So, I apologize for any confusing thoughts in this post. I promise I am going to in the next two weeks write something deep, thought provoking, and in general what I usually like to type.

P.S. if anyone feels compelled to comment, please avoid saying that you're gonna pray unless your actually going to pray with the Power God has called us to. And if anyone even thinks about using overplayed Christian Jargon (i.e. "let go, and let God") I will probably vomit and then have to reconsider our friendship.